Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
