I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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