maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
