i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
