I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
