The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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