I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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