i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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