Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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