So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
