I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I deserve this hangover.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
