it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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