I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
