his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
