So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
