There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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