He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
