the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
