I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
