I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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