I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
