There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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