I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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