I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
