Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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