We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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