i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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