God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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