bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
