im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
