she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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