Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
