DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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