We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
