Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize