just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
