1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
