i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
