Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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