FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
