I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
