its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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