I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
