They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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