Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
