Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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