just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
