Pappa wants mamma naked
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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