Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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