Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
