Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
