hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
