we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
handjob tips. give me some.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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