Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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