Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
