Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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