I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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