I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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