dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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