yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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