you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
