I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
