I'm really into asian looking animals
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
