In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
ttyl tear gas
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
