just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
