i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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