You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
