I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
