I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So squirting runs in the family.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
