that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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