I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
operation have a gay friend backfired
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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