dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
