At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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